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Yes, I admit, initially I was confused. First we’re telling Forest to run, then we’re telling Lola to run. Is there a bloody fire anywhere, because if there is, I’d rather you told me than dropping hints!
Mind you, the original film title ‘Lola Rennt’ translates simply as ‘Lola Runs’, so whoever got to translate this German treasure made good use of the old artistic licence.
So hands up if you’ve seen ‘Run Lola Run’ and didn’t like it? Thank you, you may now put your hand down and move away from this blog. And don’t come back.
To begin with, I didn’t like it, either. But that’s what I do most of the time, I will watch a movie with the intention to hate it and slate it on here. For a start, the whole concept is preposterous! Berlin has a very elaborate public transport system, there is no need for the bird to run a marathon. Especially not in Doc Marten’s boots!

And Lola Rennt seems a bit try-hard at first. Let’s throw everything indie, edgy and pop art in that we can think of! It’s like a German techno/house track made into a movie. Now I love German trashy techno. Always have done. Maybe it is something to do with the fact that I am actually German and grew up with the stuff? Hmm, anyway, I was prepared to give this film a fair go. And I am glad I did. Although I need to say at this point that I really don’t like Franka Potente in this. With her stupid bright red hair. Mind you, that’s a German thing, the girls and women in Germany are obsessed with dyeing their hair all shades of red. (yeah, yeah, I had red hair too before I left my home country and ventured out into the big wide world.) I don’t like Moritz Bleibtreu, either. He has no charisma and he didn’t exactly shout ‘Here!’ when God gave out good looks. But luckily, despite two average main characters, the movie still rocks.

You won’t get this at first (the film takes a while to ‘warm up’) but it very cleverly explores the age-old question ‘What if...?’ If you hadn’t had eggs for breakfast this morning, would you have gotten food poisoning and ended up confined to your sofa with nothing else to do than to read my piffle? The movie goes as far as to make you think about the importance of timing. What if you got up 4 minutes earlier than you did this morning? Would you have had those eggs or would you have seen a Maccas ad on TV and decided to head out for a Bacon McMuffin instead?
See, my dear readers, I am a big believer in karma. Stuff DOES happen for a reason. And I believe in the universe giving us subtle hints in order to steer us into the direction it ultimately wants us to take. You, of course, are free to believe whatever, but if you are not at least open to the idea that things happen for a reason and that everything we do ultimately affects countless other people, Run Lola Run may be a little lost on you. Or it may make you think about it at least.
This movie presents us with a scenario, a problem, at the very beginning. Lola’s dodgy boyfriend Manni is a crook and he accidentally leaves a bag with 100,000 Deutschmarks on the underground train. And unless he finds 100k in the next 20 minutes, his crook superior is going to make mince meat out of him. So he calls Lola for help.
From here, the writers of Run Lola Run present us with three possible scenarios. All three with very different outcomes. I’m not going to give away the endings, because that would spoil it for those of you dear readers who haven’t seen it yet.
But it really does make you think...what if. What if I hadn’t done this or said that.
Some of you who have seen this film and are members of the cynical party may say ‘Yeah but the scenarios are bullshit. At roulette, the same number never comes up twice in a row....’ Well, doesn’t it? What if it does? It is a possibility, maybe we should allow ourselves to be more open to these possibilities? Maybe let the universe guide us a little?
What I really didn’t like was the whole screaming part. There was absolutely no need for those scenes in which Lola screams to the extent of breaking glass. But maybe that’s just part of a good German techno track.

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Already Forgotten

June 30th 2009 07:49

Hmm...now there’s two hours of my life I will never get back! ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’.
Rarely have I seen such a flat, misguided and unfunny string of random crap. And even rarer have I seen such shite then called a film.
Yes, I agree (and it’s probably been scientifically proven by someone who takes great pleasure in wasting tax payers money), sex sells. It does. But purrrrleeeaase! To the people behind the above-mentioned rubbish: How OLD are you? This is playground stuff!
Dear film makers, heed my advice and use sex to spice things up a little in a movie, use it to illustrate the plot...but why the hell did Jason Segel spend half the film with his dick hanging out? Can you explain that to me, Mr. Director? Or more to the point, Mr. Segel, would you like to explain why you WROTE a movie script which would have you stark-bollock naked and in full frontal view for half the time? You may be well endowed and I have now seen sufficient evidence of that, but you are not Will Smith.
Look, I like naughty jokes, even if they are a bit naff. I like giggling at inappropriate jokes with sexual innuendo. It’s all good fun, you know. But in this disastrous offering, the sexual references are used to cover the fact that this comedy is just not funny. Not in the slightest.
So let’s take Sarah Marshall, our title character. She is a TV star and has the lead role on the TV series ‘Crime Scene’. And in the latest case, she is dealing with a serial killer who MASTURBATES before killing. Now, my dear readers, if you find that funny, please step away from this blog and never come here again. Everything in this movie revolves around cheap sex jokes, it’s painful. And it doesn’t even add to the storyline. The only character who could be viewed as slightly entertaining (although you’re gonna need a lot of mind-altering drugs for this) is the stepbrother. But he doesn’t really add to the story, either and, on second thoughts he was only entertaining for the first 5 seconds when he said ‘This place smells like hooker’s perfume.’ (taking care to make a sexual reference there, even in his first 5 seconds).
I am actually writing myself into a rage here, I can feel it. And I haven’t even gotten to the worst part yet.
Russell Brand. Oh my God, I love Russell Brand. He is probably not from this planet, but he is eccentric, wacky and hilarious. And he is totally wasted in this movie. You could at least have given him a funny script, for heaven’s sake! He would have been ace if you had given him a chance. As it stands though, he had the rather lame role of Sarah’s lover Aldous Snow and maybe he should stick to comedy rather than taking up acting in unfunny films. Don’t give up the day job, Russell!
I am not even going to bore you with the script, as it’s all fluff and very predictable.
The only redeeming feature of ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’ is the setting. It’s mainly set in Hawaii and it makes you want to go on holiday. Mind you, after watching the movie, you may well need one.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall? Don’t worry, I’ve forgotten all about it already!

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Every breath I take, I'll be missing you

June 23rd 2009 11:01

No dream is too big
I don’t know if it is pertinent for me to write about a film I actually liked. It’s not something I usually do, as you may have noticed. But I didn’t just like this film, I was touched by it.
Yes, Hollywood knows exactly what to do to extract a few sneaky tears from you in the dark cinema where no-on can see....Take ‘Marley & Me’- an hour of blah blah and average performances from Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson and then something totally unforeseen and unpredictable happens- the ‘clearance puppy’ has died. Everyone cry now! (rubbish movie, by the way)
But the movie I’m about to review was meant to be a biopic, not a romantic girly-flick.
It is a bio pic about Christopher Wallace. You don’t know who that is? Well I didn’t know, either. If you are into hip hop or rap, you may know the dude as ‘Biggie Smalls’ or even more likely as ‘The Notorious B.I.G.’
The movie is simply named Notorious.
At the risk of repeating myself...Notorious touched me. I don’t know why, but somehow I almost started mourning The Notorious B.I.G. Thank heavens I was on a plane and it was night time, so no-one saw the sneaky tears normally reserved for the cinema.
So what have we got? A chunky kid from Brooklyn, writing lyrics about his everyday life. His mama is sure Chris is a good boy, and he is. Right until he starts trying to make some money and hiding plates of ,what his mama thinks is mashed potato, under his bed. This may sound a little naff and run of the mill to you- blah blah, yet another poor American New York brat turning to drug dealing and rapping- but this one isn’t the same old generic, fail-safe Hollywood storyline. George Tilman Jr. is telling a true story. It is all very matter of fact, it has documentary qualities. There are no drum rolls when Chris gets nicked and put in prison, just like there wouldn’t be if you and I cocked up and got fined. Yes, he got his girly pregnant just before he went inside, but hey, if you (dear female readers) or I got pregnant, it wouldn’t make the headlines now, would it?
The movie is not trying to make out that The Notorious B.I.G. was perfect. He wasn’t. (Who is?)
Christopher Wallace’s story is inspirational, in that (according to the film) the guy pretty much just walks into this recording studio and goes ‘Hey, I have got what it takes!’. How many of us can do that? Yes, B.I.G has his possé, including Puff Daddy, P Diddy, Pear Donut, whatever his name is. One of them goes to prison for our Christopher because he believes when B.I.G makes it big, the whole of the gang will make it big.
It is at this stage that I would like to B.I.G. it up for Jamal Woolard, he who plays the Notorious B.I.G. in the movie. I have never been big on rap or hip hop or whatever kind of music it is, and I have no idea what B.I.G looked like in real life. I could google him, of course, but for me the movie version of the Notorious B.I.G. is who I’ll have in my head forever. And I don’t think I’ll ever forget the look on Jamal’s face a split second before he gets shot.....Jamal Woolard throughout the film is totally believable. And it’s not often you can say that about a film. I believe him.

The war between the East coast rappers and the West coast rappers is ever present in this flick. It has to be, they killed each other back then and they are still killing each other now. I’m not pretending that I know why this is happening or what’s behind it, but I know it’s what’s claimed my hero B.I.G.’s life.
In the film, we learn that Biggie and Tupak Shakur were mates but due to the coast feud and some misunderstanding during a shooting, they are now at each other’s throats. Until Tupac gets killed at the age of 25. Watching those scenes, you can almost feel Chris’ pain when he finds out.
Of course, there are the excesses, the drugs, the bitches, the extravagant lifestyle.
B.I.G. has a daughter with his high school sweetheart, then falls in love with singer Faith Evans and marries her after, like, 5 minutes (well, 9 days, actually). He cheats on her, she takes him back etc etc...And he’s a complete shit. That’s it. I’m not here to make excuses for a dead man, I’m just reviewing a piece of cinema.
If this was a fictional story, you’d expect him to make it big and live happily ever after. And Christopher Wallace did make it big! In the movie, there he is, smoking a cigar looking at his fans going wild. By ‘he’ I mean, of course, Jamal Woolard, because I still haven’t googled B.I.Gs photo.
The film starts with the poignant scene in which Christopher Wallace is shot. Although all you see is him looking directly at his killer. That exact same scene is repeated towards the end of the movie when we see The Notorious B.I.G.’s entourage and friends frantically trying to revive him...
And then all that is left is his hat on some Los Angeles street...
Christopher George Latore Wallace died on March 9th, 1997 in LA. To this day, no-one knows who killed him.
The last scene of the film is Christopher’s mum (an awesome Angela Bassett) being driven in a limousine along a street absolutely jam-packed with her son’s fans. And they are playing the Notorious B.I.G.’s music and she realises...she can hear her son’s voice. (Sneaky-tear-in-a-dark-cinema -time again).
What really got me was that the boy who plays the 12-year old, lyric-writing Biggie at the beginning of the film is none other than B.I.G and Faith’s son- Christopher ‘CJ’ Wallace, Jr.
I have never owned a single one of Notorious B.I.G.’s records. Nor will I ever own any of his music, I don’t like rap. But since this movie, I will always be sad that he died so young.
Faith Evans and Sean Coombs (Puff Daddy) recorded the song ‘I’ll be missing you’ after Chris’ death and every time I hear it, it reminds me of one of my favourite movies- Notorious.

Apologies for crying all over your computer screens....

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Kriss Kross will make ya, Jump! Jump!

June 23rd 2009 10:06

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that girls like clothes. Imagine my excitement, when someone made a movie called ‘Jumper’! Yes, maybe a jumper is not the most fashionable item of clothing, but it’s practical and it keeps you warm and everyone has one.
And now imagine my disappointment when I realised it was about a bank robbing freak!
‘Jumper’ (the movie, not the garment) starts out with this kid in mortal danger who ‘jumps’ himself out of said danger and into....yes, you guessed it, a library.
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And now for a complete head f&*k

June 23rd 2009 08:28

Earlier this year, I was lucky enough to travel to LA for a few days. And despite of some of my friends (yes, believe it or not, I do have friends) telling me that the City of Angels isn’t all that, I completely fell in love with it.
So when Mulholland Dr. was on TV the other night, I just had to watch it. Simply for nostalgic reasons. I was hoping for some glimpses of the places I had visited in LA, including Mulholland Drive itself. Although really, I should have bloody known that a David Lynch movie wasn’t going to be a travel documentary.
A lot of people are of the opinion, that one must watch Mulholland Dr. a second and third time before even beginning to hope to understand it. But, my dear readers, all the movie reviews you have read here, have been written after seeing the film in question once and once only. And I’m not about to change my M.O.
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Wot?!

June 16th 2009 07:33

As another Sydney winter day drew to a horrible and rainy close, I decided it was time once again to ramp up the pay TV package and prepare for a blissful season of sitting on the couch and watching rubbish TV. And so I came across the 2007 disaster that is ‘I Know Who Killed Me’.
The title alone was a big turn off (the TV) for me and the fact that Lindsay Lohan was in it did nothing to endear the film to me further. But it just so happened that it was on in the background while I was doing other stuff and I kept catching glimpses of it and hearing bits of dialogue and I was intrigued. And so I gave in to the ‘car crash syndrome’, you know when something is so horrible you can’t help looking at it, and I watched the whole thing. I’m not entirely sure what genre it was meant to be. It had some elements of horror, a bit thriller, a bit of suspense, some pole dancing and sex scenes thrown in for good measure...suffice to say it’s recommended for mature audiences.
So we have Aubrey Fleming, all American girl-next-door. A golden girl who’s aspiring to be a writer and she is just starting out seeing this gormless, innocent looking high school boy (bless you Brian Geraghty). So all is sweet until Aubrey is kidnapped when out one evening with her girlfriends. You will need to suspend your sense of disbelief here, because how Aubrey could have been abducted in a town heaving with people returning from a football match is beyond me. Anyway, 17 days later, she is found on the side of the road. She’s alive but the charming person who took her kindly cut off an arm and a leg. So when Aubrey comes around in hospital, she claims to be called Dakota Moss and having no idea who this Aubrey chick is. ‘Dakota’ tells her story to a shrink- she talks about the fact that her mum was a junkie and died 7 months ago of an overdose and that before she woke up in hospital, Dakota was, in fact, a lapdancer. The film shows all this- Dakota finding her dead mother, Dakota dancing in next to nothing to amuse the gentlemen. The flashback scenes featuring Dakota are all red-themed, whereas anything to do with Aubrey is blue. I quite liked the colour-themes idea, it was so beautifully naff. But the main reason I kept sitting through this less than average cinematic masterpiece was that I wanted to know what the hell happened to Aubrey to make her think she’s Dakota. I couldn’t come up with a plausible explanation in my head. The police in the movie uncover a story that Aubrey was working on and yes, you guessed it, she was writing a story about one Dakota. Perhaps the makers should have left it at that, but no, the car crash continues.
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Bob Marley and the zombie in the bath tub

June 5th 2009 05:35

I recently had the pleasure of watching Will Smith’s latest cinematic spectacle- ‘I Am Legend’.
From the title, I assumed that it was a movie about the grammatically challenged, but from the adverts on TV and in the papers, I learnt differently. I mean, nowadays, they tell you the entire plot (or lack thereof) in the trailer! Lucky they do though, because the film itself goes from a TV interview with a female scientist (‘So you have found a cure for cancer?’, ‘Yes we have.’) to Will Smith chasing rabid deer through New York city. What went on there, you wonder? But the weirdness doesn’t stop there.
Will Smith also talks to shop dummies.
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Iron Man- A Review

June 5th 2009 05:33

The title doesn’t really tell us much about the film. At least with more informative film titles, you know exactly what the film is about. For example, ‘Resident Evil’- you know immediately from the title that in the first part of the film, some dude will get chunked by lasers. Or ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’- you can deduce from the title that some kid will steal fizzy lifting drink and ruin the ceiling. Good day, Sir!
But Iron Man- what does that tell us? Is it a film about someone who likes to pump iron, so some Schwarzenegger-like buffoon? Or is it about a man made out of iron, like RoboCop? Or is it someone who likes to iron? His pants? Or other people’s pants, so he opens his own mobile ironing service?
There's only one way to find out- watch the film! For those of you who are busy bees- I have done the watching for you.
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What doesn't kill you makes you stranger

June 5th 2009 05:31

So last night, once again, I found myself at the cinema, complete with overly salty popcorn, boysenberry choc top ice cream and fizzy drink. I went to see- The Dark Knight.
Batman movies, like Indiana Jones, Bond, Spiderman and general superhero movies seem to be all the rage at the moment and so this one was just another good old fashioned 2 and a half hours of blowing shit up. I have no idea what was going on in the film half the time. I mean, what was with that dude from Hong Kong? And how come Commissioner Gordon is dead one minute and alive the next? Answers on a postcard, please! Mind you, Christian Bale was his delectable chiselled self, the car chases and explosions were ace (how good was Gotham City General Hospital blowing up!) and Heath Ledger was just outstandingly deranged. Beautiful. Especially in his nurses outfit as he stumbles away from the hospital after blowing it up in the aforementioned scene. Sadly, I was unable to suspend my disbelief enough to buy the whole Harvey Two-Face storyline. So half his face burns off and he becomes evil? Mind you, I guess any man with a stupid-looking face will eventually turn out evil. We've learnt that in Event Horizon, didn't we.
But anyone who's seen this latest Batman instalment, riddle me this: Doesn't Harvey Twoface die in this movie? And if so, doesn't Tommy Lee Jones play Harvey Twoface in a later movie? And if Twoface didn't die in this movie, well why the hell not? (see note on Commissioner Gordon above!)
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Lenny and Archie

June 5th 2009 05:27

Have you ever noticed how gangsters in gangster movies are ALWAYS called Lenny, Bobby, Vinnie, Tommy, Johnny, Frankie, Mickey, Charlie, Archie……
It would appear, anything ending in ‘eeee’ goes. Why is that?
Do parents, when they name their child ‘Thomas David’ instinctively hope the little shit will turn gangster and become Tommy or Davy? Are we hoping our Tiffany’s, Britney’s and Carly’s become moles?
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