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Mind Your Own Beeswax

September 8th 2009 23:47
According to an article on BBC.co.uk, 48-year old Colin Firth is criticising actors and actresses who are having plastic surgery.
Whilst I am no fan of plastic surgery myself, me thinks Mr. Firth should be taking a long, hard look at himself. Have you seen yourself in Mamma Mia, Colin???
It was easily the most disastrous movie I have seen in a long while. It was so bad, I had to stop half way through. Luckily, I was on a plane from Kuala Lumpur to Sydney when I saw the film. Well, the first half of it, anyway. Otherwise I would have had to walk out of the cinema and I have never done that! My friend did it once, during Benjamin Button. She was bored to death by the curiosities, or whatever his ailment was. I, however, have always put on a brave face and sat through whatever atrocity was presented to me. But not so with Mamma Mia!. It is the worst plot in modern movie history ever! Some slut gets it on with three different dudes in, what, a week? And get’s knocked up by one of them. So the offspring that results invites all three possible father figures to her wedding and one of them turns out to be gay (or so I’ve been told, I didn’t make it that far). Purr-lease!!! But not only that. Dear readers, Mamma Mia is a musical. AND NONE OF THE ACTORS IN IT CAN SING!!!! It is soul-destroying! Has it not occurred to anyone else that this must be someone’s idea of a cruel joke? Is everyone, apart from me, taking this movie semi-seriously??

I love musical films! They are deliciously cheesy; they give you that towering feeling, knowing you’re on the street where she lives. They make you go together, like rama lama lama ke ding a de dinga a dong. They make Seymour appear beside you. Rather suddenly. They’ll have you singin’ in the rain and they’ll have you jump to the left. Or jump in the line. And they’ll never ever put Baby in the corner.

Mamma Mia puts a great big ugly vomit-inducing mark on this otherwise delightful genre. And I am very saddened by that.
If you are after a watchable film, dear readers, that includes the music of ABBA, may I recommend Muriel’s Wedding.
And, dear Colin Firth, never you mind who’s getting plastic surgery. Just mind your own beeswax and be very careful which filims you sign up for! That’s all I’m saying.
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