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Lenny and Archie

June 5th 2009 05:27
Have you ever noticed how gangsters in gangster movies are ALWAYS called Lenny, Bobby, Vinnie, Tommy, Johnny, Frankie, Mickey, Charlie, Archie……
It would appear, anything ending in ‘eeee’ goes. Why is that?
Do parents, when they name their child ‘Thomas David’ instinctively hope the little shit will turn gangster and become Tommy or Davy? Are we hoping our Tiffany’s, Britney’s and Carly’s become moles?
I am sorry, that I am boring you with this tedious detail, but quite frank(l)ey, you will find my ramblings more riveting than the actual film I am reviewing.

I think it is fair to say we have all experienced the break down of a relationship, lost a dear one from our everyday life, for whatever reason. At least once. (if you have never been in a meaningful relationship and are looking to this blog for inspiration, you are on the wrong track. Move along. Quickly.)
It’s not pretty, it’s hard, sad, devastating. It takes time to get over it. It involves doing things to soothe our souls, whatever that may be (for you girlies- may I recommend watching re-runs of Sex and the City. As for you boys- only you will know if it’s Playstation, Guiness or Rugby)
But whatever you do- please remember- film making probably ain’t it! It’s not the answer. Not even if you are Guy Ritchie and just split up from Madonna.
I watched this particular movie at the Sydney Open Air Cinema but sadly, a stunning backdrop does not make for a stunning film. Guy Ritchie tried. He put an Archie and a Lenny in. Basic ingredients. Oh and a Johnny. Not sure what the plot was, because it was a bit all over the place. Mind you, that may have just been me, because I am incredibly thick when it comes to the cinematic arts. Hell, I have seen ‘Mission Impossible’ hundreds of times and I am still a little shaky on some of the details, although I have gotten better (why was Jean Reno there with a knife when it all kicked off and then later offers his services to Tom Cruise? Hmm???)

Anyroad, this film didn’t make any sense to me. Johnny was dead. And then he wasn’t. The Bond girl was betraying everyone. And Hello! The whole picture thing was stolen from ‘The Thomas Crown Affair’! Lame. You hear me, Guy Ritchieee? Lame! I don’t want to be a complete bitch….I LOVE Gerard Butler! I wonder if he’d like to marry me? And I loved the Cockney accents.. ‘Eelarious!
But other than that, don’t bother or nuffink. Oh….and if you have read this far and are wondering what thee ‘ell I’m reviewing…RocknRolla! A’right?
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