Sim1Iron Man- A Review
June 5th 2009 05:33
The title doesn’t really tell us much about the film. At least with more informative film titles, you know exactly what the film is about. For example, ‘Resident Evil’- you know immediately from the title that in the first part of the film, some dude will get chunked by lasers. Or ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’- you can deduce from the title that some kid will steal fizzy lifting drink and ruin the ceiling. Good day, Sir!
But Iron Man- what does that tell us? Is it a film about someone who likes to pump iron, so some Schwarzenegger-like buffoon? Or is it about a man made out of iron, like RoboCop? Or is it someone who likes to iron? His pants? Or other people’s pants, so he opens his own mobile ironing service?
There's only one way to find out- watch the film! For those of you who are busy bees- I have done the watching for you.
As it turns out, our Iron Man- Tony Stark played by Robert Downey Jr. with weird facial hair- is a dude who runs a weapon factory, which he took over from his dad. He is pretty cool actually, he has this massive house and drives a cool Audi (mind you, I get sick in Audis, so it’s not really that brilliant). But he is far superior to all those other superheroes like Batman, Superman and Spiderpig. You see, where James Bond has a secretary with a naff name like Miss Mini Pony, Iron Man has a personal assistant called ‘Pepper Pots’ (I am sure, in real life she would be called Janine Gefluegelleber, but this is the movies!)- played by a ginger Gwyneth Paltrow. I have never heard of ginger pepper before, but that's a minor detail, I guess.
Or take Batman’s lame sidekick Robin- he follows Batman around like a love sick puppy and can say nothing but ‘Holy Batfish- I’m choking on a bone.’ (or some such nonsense). Iron Man’s sidekick is a robot named Jarvis. Much cooler. Also, our hero made of iron does not require meters and meters of knitting yarn to fly through the skies like Spiderman. All he has to do is tell Jarvis that he wants to fly, Jarvis makes the necessary arrangements and wheeee... Iron Man can fly so high, his metal arse starts to freeze. Which was quite disconcerting as at the time of watching the movie, I was sat on a plane, 30000 feet up in the sky. I would not have welcomed a collision with Iron Man, even if he is much cooler than other superheroes and get’s your clothes dry cleaned after taking you home for a shag.
Is there a plot, I hear you ask. Of course there is, dear readers. It's exactly the same plot as ‘The Incredible Hulk’. So if you’ve seen that, you have seen it all. And so endeth my review of ‘Iron Man’. Watch it, don’t watch it- see if I care.
But Iron Man- what does that tell us? Is it a film about someone who likes to pump iron, so some Schwarzenegger-like buffoon? Or is it about a man made out of iron, like RoboCop? Or is it someone who likes to iron? His pants? Or other people’s pants, so he opens his own mobile ironing service?
As it turns out, our Iron Man- Tony Stark played by Robert Downey Jr. with weird facial hair- is a dude who runs a weapon factory, which he took over from his dad. He is pretty cool actually, he has this massive house and drives a cool Audi (mind you, I get sick in Audis, so it’s not really that brilliant). But he is far superior to all those other superheroes like Batman, Superman and Spiderpig. You see, where James Bond has a secretary with a naff name like Miss Mini Pony, Iron Man has a personal assistant called ‘Pepper Pots’ (I am sure, in real life she would be called Janine Gefluegelleber, but this is the movies!)- played by a ginger Gwyneth Paltrow. I have never heard of ginger pepper before, but that's a minor detail, I guess.
Or take Batman’s lame sidekick Robin- he follows Batman around like a love sick puppy and can say nothing but ‘Holy Batfish- I’m choking on a bone.’ (or some such nonsense). Iron Man’s sidekick is a robot named Jarvis. Much cooler. Also, our hero made of iron does not require meters and meters of knitting yarn to fly through the skies like Spiderman. All he has to do is tell Jarvis that he wants to fly, Jarvis makes the necessary arrangements and wheeee... Iron Man can fly so high, his metal arse starts to freeze. Which was quite disconcerting as at the time of watching the movie, I was sat on a plane, 30000 feet up in the sky. I would not have welcomed a collision with Iron Man, even if he is much cooler than other superheroes and get’s your clothes dry cleaned after taking you home for a shag.
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